It's kind of been a melancholy week for me. We've been having lots of fun--many, many visitors lately, the return to play group, gearing up for Halloween...but that means I've been scrambling more than usual trying to keep all the balls in the air.
I've mentioned this a bit here before, but I'm a person who just plain functions better when I've had some time to myself each day--time to be in my own head, even if it's only five minutes at the end of the day while I'm falling asleep. And unfortunately, that time's been sacrificed as of late.
I know this will correct itself soon. Our lives are resettling a bit as we get used to new routines, as it always goes, but I've been feeling an odd effect of not having time to sort my thoughts: despite the fact I spend all day, every day with my kids, I miss them. I'm finding it difficult to achieve balance. I'm so busy tending to Sully that I'm grieving for the one-on-one time I had (for three years!) with Eva. And she's growing and changing and I feel like I'm missing it.
Meanwhile, our little guy is three months old already (!) and I can't help but remember how many long, leisurely hours I had to play with Eva when she was just a babe herself. Most of my time with Sully is spent nursing him or rocking him or changing his diapers. And he's growing and changing and I feel like I'm missing it. I just want to pause them both until I have a chance to catch up!
I've decided that a lot of this is due to the fact that I haven't had enough time in my own headspace. Without some quiet, introspective time to process all this, I'm--in a sense--on autopilot. Go, go, go, go, fall into bed and crash. Wake. Repeat. Which does a number on this mama's emotions.
So I have big plans this weekend to find time to just sit. And think. And there may be hot cocoa involved. There will most definitely be ice cream involved.
Sorry to be such a downer today. I needed to get all this sorted out somewhere, and I guess it fell here. We actually have a fun day ahead of us--my friend Kim and her boy Gideon are coming to visit for the day. Eva's so excited to have a buddy coming to play for the WHOLE day, and I'm thinking that having an extra mama around for the day can only be a good thing!
Have a happy day, everyone! I'll be back tomorrow with the big Halloween costume reveal.
