OK. So this guy took a bunch of choice passages from the latest Harry Potter book and stuck'em out of context—way out of context... into sexy land. Such as:
"There was no need to stick the wand in that hard," he said gruffly, clambering to his feet. "It hurt." (p. 64)
"Just as he raised a gloved hand to wipe them, Leanne made to grab hold of the package Katie was holding; Katie tugged it back and the package fell to the ground." (p. 248)
Guys, listen close. You don't have to put on some big, macho show for us. It's OK. Let go and embrace the you that truly is... you.
That's what pro football player turned minister Rosey Grier did back in 1973—and just look at the results!
Happy Friday.
Although it looks good sitting in the magazine rack by the toilet, we don't usually read such low-brow hackery as The New Yorker. However, this was pretty interesting...
At first, the writing came easily. Finding inspiration in sources ranging from the I Ching to the Post, Lau cranked out three or four maxims a day, between scrutinizing spreadsheets and monitoring the company's inventory of chow mein. "I'd be on the subway and look up at the signs and think, Hey, that would make a great fortune," he said. (One such adage: "Beware of odors from unfamiliar sources.") "I'd keep a small notebook and jot down whatever came to me. I don't think I ever sat in front of the computer and said, 'I am going to write ten fortunes right now.' It has to come naturally." Read more.
Ah, yes–the elegant struggle of the humble fortune cookie scribe. Have a good weekend!
Here's something nutty (from McSweeney's):
Pickup Lines: The First Drafts
Are your legs tired? Oh, well, I'm not surprised; your thighs are almost comically muscular.
You must wash your pants with Windex, because something really smells like Windex.
Your father must have been a thief. I don't know, you just have the look of someone who was raised by criminals.
Just a quick note about how much cooler Wisconsin is than our sister state, Minnesota. Not that it's a contest or anything.
From Minnesota Public Radio...
A bill establishing an official poet laureate in Minnesota met a tragic fate. Gov. Tim Pawlenty penned the fatal verse when he vetoed the bill. The Republican governor took the action Friday but didn't announce it until Tuesday... In the letter, Pawlenty professed his respect and appreciation for the arts but said he had to draw the line at creating the new position. Read more.
Poor Minnesota. Not every state can be as cultured as we be.
This just in! The slam crew got wind of a little art house flick called Revenge of the Sith. Apparently, it's the prequel to a movie from the seventies about robot cowboy ninjas or something. Sounds pretty awesome. You can rent a copy of the first movie down at Family Video, and Sith is playing on a screen or two over at Oakwood Mall. Check it out!
Slam Crewman Eric Rasmussen is a big fan of these films. He even had a giant poster depicting the movies' evil bad guy hanging in his living room until his wife pointed out what a dork he is. Poor guy. Well, in honor of Eric, we're gonna point you to a hilarious quiz that will tell you what kind of Revenge of the Sith character you most resemble. It's right here.
To be fair, not everyone will like these movies. Some people believe they have a sort of "dark side," and the filmmakers are trying to push a sinister agenda. Who knows?
UPDATE: Slam Crewchick Shannon says, "Holy cannoli!"
UPDATE2: If your computer has speakers, and you love the rawk-n-roll, click here.
Here's a little insight for all the sarcastic slammers out there not getting the laughs they so sorely deserve—check out this scientifical article from APA Online:
The ability to comprehend sarcasm depends upon a carefully orchestrated sequence of complex cognitive skills based in specific parts of the brain... New research details an “anatomy of sarcasm” that explains how the mind puts sharp-tongued words into context.
Read more.
To test their theories, Israeli psychologists had a number of people who are affected by different kinds of brain damage read sarcastic stories to see if they could discern the writing's true meaning. The test results were fascinating.
Did you notice a hint of sarcasm, there? Not if you've been in a bad motorcycle accident! Oh, zinger!*
*If you found that last zinger offensive, lighten up—we were just being sarcastic. Umm... we think. Maybe we were just being facetious. Or mean.
Wow, cool! Those limeys in the United Kingdom totally got it going on, classic literature-wise. First they produce some of the best novelists known to man, then they start giving away books for free! And they don't even care if the authors aren't from the British Isles. That's bloody crazy!
Basically, Scotland's Sunday Herald newspaper selected a bunch of classic titles and feed them into their Magic Free Book Machine, converting them into digital files ripe for the download. They've got 60–70 of history's most favoritest books, including works by Jane Austen, Charles Dickens, The Brothers Grimm, Charlotte Bronte, Fyodor Dostoevsky, Mark Twain, Edgar Allan Poe, Friedrich Nietzsche, and many others.
The books are in PDF format. "PDF" stands for Perfectly Dapper Fun-file, so there's a 99.9% chance that your computer will be able to open them. If not, you can download free software to help you out. Then, you can read the books on your computer screen, or—if you like murdering trees—print them out.
This is great. We understand that digital files are no replacement for the tactile splendor of a bound book, but some people just don't have access to books because their local library has kicked them out for looking at porn. These people can finally read "Little Women" in the comfort of their own homes. Also, it's good for penniless English Lit Majors.
Browse and download the books here.
You wouldn't think scientists would be running out of things too study, what with all the deadly diseases and stuff, but apparently the scientific community has swiveled it's laser-like focus onto... stinky things.
A group of researchers has discovered that our perception of odor can be greatly influenced by the simple act of using our eyeballs to read printed words—oh, the glorious power of the written word!
From the report:
In their experiments, researchers led by Edmund T. Rolls of the University of Oxford presented subjects with a cheddar cheese odorant and showed them labels that read either "cheddar cheese" or "body odor." They found that the subjects rated the odor significantly more pleasant when it was labeled "cheddar cheese" than "body odor." Read more.
However, there's no evidence (yet) on spoken word wielding magical control over your nostrils. So don't even try to bust out a lilac-themed slam poem the next time you fart.
| Sun | Mon | Tue | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 |
| 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |
| 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 |
| 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 |
